GPOY
What would you do to survive the impending zombie apocalypse?
(via fujiidom)
(via delacroix)
(via attackedastoria)
Watching this coverage of this Empire State Building shooting at work, and here’s what I really believe: no one is born with the desire to shoot several people outside of their future workplace. This man, whoever he is, did not grow up thinking, “One day I’m going to be so deranged that I’m going to find the compulsion within me to attempt to murder people outside of my office.” Call me crazy, but I don’t think that’s how it works.
Isn’t it amazing how many “disgruntled employees” there are in America? How the fuck do you think they get that way? Two weeks vacation for an entire year of working 60-80 hours a week while HR is nickel and diming every fucking hour you’re in the office? That fact that the middle class is literally on the edge of poverty if they get fired or laid off? The fact that mental health in this country is still considered shameful and taboo? People need a fucking break every once in a while. We’re not machines. And like, fine, maybe guns aren’t at the core of the issue. But something else is.
Back to school. For the fourth try. Wheeeee!
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.
And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.
"Spending an afternoon cleaning out your closet really gives you a chance to reflect on everyone you’ve been. Plus it’s a bonus that you get to specifically redesign what you want to look like.
With all of the clothes going over your head though, make sure you’re never having a killer hair day when you decide to tackle this task.
My mom always falls asleep at movies. It’s just a Thing That She Does.
For most of my life I would always be annoyed at this idiosyncrasy because it bothers me when people don’t pay attention. But for the last few years I’ve just accepted it and our movie-watching time together is a lot more enjoyable for it.
Then it happened. Last night. We both fell asleep during the movie.
Oh mylanta, I am turning into my mother.
2 / 227 
