I went out last night in the hopes of running into that guy I have a big crush on. And, while it didn’t go according to plan, it turned into something wonderful.

He left. I called. He picked me up and took me to his apartment. I cuddled into his couch and he into a recliner and we held hands and just talked for a couple of hours. He extended an invitation for me to sleep in his bed, which I accepted. He offered me pajama pants and a t-shirt, which I also accepted. I did not change in front of him. He brought me a glass of water and laid in bed with me.

I kissed him. He kissed me back. But then something magical happened: I didn’t push any further. No clothes came off and we didn’t even simulate sex. We simply laid in bed, kissing.

This morning, it was confirmed that it will go no further, which was a bit of a killjoy, truthfully. But then we stayed in bed and talked for nearly four hours.

He is an honestly good man. I accept that he and I will not ever be together. But I will always remember our night together. We both saw entirely different sides of each other that we may never see again. And that’s okay.

Is this what it feels like to change?