My new roommate and I need to go grocery shopping together (I think it’ll be a really nice bonding experience, y’all!) and she was like, “Don’t be surprised if I’m, like, a total bitch about healthy food. I’m trying to, like, eat way healthier” which is fine because I’m all for fresh produce and meat and, you know, healthier eating.

So I go to the pantry this morning and all the food she brought is like Reduced Fat Wheat Thins, mini marshmallows, half-bags of Froot Loops and an uncomfortably vast selection of Campbell’s CHUNKY soups.